Three years ago, during yet another run of not hearing from my daughter, I sat in my bed with my Bible on my lap, a stack of brightly-colored note cards and a pen next to me, and I searched for promises I could hold on to. I wrote down 27 verses and taped them all over my wall in my closet where I would spend years standing, kneeling, crying and reciting. Months would come and go for years when I had no idea where she was. We would reconnect for a moment and she was gone again and the cycle would continue. I remember in October, through tears and a lot of pain, asking God what He was waiting for and why He wasn't bringing her back to us. One morning He answered me through that heavy, happy feeling that I call the Holy Spirit quietly whispering.. "I am waiting for you to be ready." I told Him I was indeed ready and the next day, which was the night before my daughters car accident, I had a heavy feeling to call two very dear friends to come over and pray with me for her life. We spent two hours on my couch praying specifically for the salvation of her life; for the restoration of everything the enemy had taken these past 8 years; and for her to be protected from all that had been going on. I had been praying relentlessly through anger, tears, turmoil, breathless moments when I knew bad things were happening, and hope. I knew it as it was happening with my friends in that moment that something had shifted. The next morning my daughter was in a head on collision. The firemen had to get a tool to cut her steel door and remove her from the wreckage where she was pinned in, not expected to survive.
It wasn't until a week or so after her accident when I saw this verse in a new light. That night I went through the Bible three years ago, I wrote down this promise from TPT:
Psalms 107:16 God spoke Be healed and she was healed, delivered from deaths gate. For he smashed through heavy prison doors and shattered steel bars to set her free.
If you notice in the above picture, I wrote down "shattered steel doors" on accident.. not knowing that was the promise He was actually giving me. He would literally shatter the steel doors of that back seat of the car to set her free.
For today, she's in our life, in our home, and she is restoring and returning and she's healing not only from the accident but from her life. For today. My prayers won't stop.
Believe in Him. Recite His promises. Don't give up. It may not look the way you think. Find the peace in it. He's getting you ready. That voice in your head that tells you His promises and holding Him to it are meant for other people not you, remind it whose daughter you are, boldly recite the promises back inserting your name (or the one you are praying for), and walk off with peace knowing He's got it. And do it again tomorrow.
Love, Coach Kim xoxo
A little bit about me... serious body image issues resulting in three treatment centers when I was close to death at 13, 18 and 30. I was surrounded by girls and then women just like me. We struggle to look in the mirror, to be in a swimsuit, to stand anywhere but the very back in the gym class. I know you are out there too. I love you.
I also know those of you out there that have slayed the body image demon. You stand proudly at the beach like these women. You are in the front of the class facing the mirror with your own reflection so close you can touch it. I love you too.
Like many of us do during or after our struggles, I found a silver lining later in life. I am a mom to two beautiful young women but we didn't have fashion magazines, diet talk, a scale or weight talk in our home and I taught them they could always turn around and NOT look at the scale during doctor visits. Had I not journeyed through my own issues before, I may have leaked that junk out on to them!
I don't know what your goal(s) look like unless we are working together but part of my job is to make sure they aren't self-deprecating but rather, full of self love while also honoring God with your purpose. I doubt God wants me hiding in the corner in the back of my barre class trying to creativley avoid looking in the mirror. He knows I am a work in progress and that I'll somehow find a way to honor His purpose for me from a safe lil distance for now, and if you're like me, you will too.
During one of my treatment stays, a stunning young woman sat next to me in group for weeks. She would tell me that she hated her reflection. I could simply not believe she didn't see what I saw. I wrote the below message on a Post-it, stuck it in our bathroom mirror and the next day she came to me thanking me for giving her a new way to look at herself.
Look at yourself the way I see you and all that will remain is beauty. Love God
You are more awesome than you think you are.. ass and all. Keep moving toward the front, and if you are already there.. thank you for reminding us to SLAY.
As I sat down to write this, I made the mistake of having the news on. The new chicken sandwich from Popeye's just made an encore appearance and some crazy incident between two people waiting in line just made the news. I turned it off. I now listen to worship music and my mind, soul and heart feels better.
What do you give your attention to? This isn't a lecture on avoiding social media, your phones, the television or movies. I really just want to say that whatever gets the most of us is what fill us. What we start our day with typically dictates the way it will unfold.
As a child, I remember a needlepoint saying hanging in my Aunt Wa Wee's home ( how much do you love her name?)....
A DAY HEMMED IN PRAYER SELDOM UNRAVELS
I didn't realize the truth in that then as much as I do now. If we start our day in prayer, worship and thanksgiving, we are certainly not guaranteed a day without some trials but we are more equipped with peace and knowledge to go slay the day in a way that otherwise starting out staring at what everyone else's life looks like in comparison to yours doesn't.
Honor yourself by honoring Him and see how your day can feel a little less unraveled.
Keeping it real. Keeping it simple.
I want to serve you an abundant tray of beauty. I want your life to shine a little brighter, even in the darkness. I want you to come out of hiding (one of the enemy's attacks). These are a few of the many reasons I do what I do.
I share snip-its of my life at times with my clients so they know I speak from experience when I say what I say to them.
I have tagged just a few of you in this post who are among the many that have been there for me lately. You have brought me beauty, strength, friendship, courage and belief in human kindness. There are things that get me through my life. I believe in wholesome, amazing products. I believe in surrounding yourself with succulents or plants. I believe in honoring your body with good supplements and holistic healing. I believe in finding a workout regimen that honors you. I believe in true friendships that show up when it's ugly. I believe in having someone to help you be accountable in your life and to keep you moving.
I go to bed every night having no idea where my oldest daughter is. I wake up each morning hoping it's all a bad dream.
I suddenly went from a mom and step mom of five to an empty nester in a matter of weeks. I moved to more land, a greater home, a more serene setting. I didn't do it because I needed more. I did it for reasons you may never understand but it's likely not for the reasons you think.
My step boys had an opportunity to live with their biological mother for the first time in nearly a decade and it was a decision that brought my husband and I to our knees seeking direction. Deciding to sell our home and relocate also brought us to our knees seeking direction.
I offer grace to those who have disappeared. I offer grace and forgivenss for those who ask me why I haven't been able to fix my oldest. I offer understanding to those who have judged us with your comments because you aren't walking in our shoes.
This week I showed up for a woman in my Barre3 class who was unsure, scared, lacking confidence and I stood by her three classes in a row as I saw her confidence emerge. She just needed someone to witness her effort; to literally stand beside her as she tried something she didn't think she could do.
This week I showed a dear friend my very sacred Warroom and offered it to her when she needs it (a special surprise gift that was waiting for me in my new office that I didn't even know about until move in day).
Why do I do what I do? Because I fully understand the desire to have your efforts noticed. I understand raw pain that doesn't go away. I understand wanting to try but being trapped by fear. I understand hiding.
I find strength and grace in everyday and I want to show you how to as well.
Come out of hiding beautiful friend.