The fig tree and me
Welcome to the first blog of the season. I am so happy to be back with you all.
I am so proud of you for getting through everything that has been thrown your way since we last met. You are here. You are okay. You are enough. You are worthy.
We've all had our journeys to date, haven't we? May the words you read today reach something within you that needs to be heard, healed, and acknowledged.
Today we said goodbye to a home I thought would be our forever home. How silly, dear me. My forever home is with my Father in Heaven, not here on Earth but as humans, it's natural to find that "perfect home" to put our roots down; to feel planted; to grow as people; to craft memories; to share laughter and tears and yes, to mark the laundry room wall with our children's heights as they grow. It was an unexpected move. It was an unwanted move. It was a hard move. I listened to calming, soul finding apps on my phone. I sought counsel from warrior women in my little circle whom I treasure and respect. I cried. I trusted. I listened to God and I asked him day after day to let me hear Him and I did. My "hearing" doesn't come in loud, booming words saying "hey Kim, this is God speaking" (wouldn't that be nice) but they do come in forms of a calm something that overcomes me. Not only did I hear to trust him and wait for July 15th before we pulled the plug, but we had competing offers come in out of nowhere on exactly that day. We move in two weeks to our new home and despite my tears of saying goodbye, He's got this and therefore, I find peace.
Through the move and through the "Hallmark" version of why we left, I've been in a rental home with my step children while my husband packed and sorted through our things getting ready for the move. I honored the part of me that knew it was too much and I am thankful for my husband for carrying that burden when I couldn't. The rental house made my heart hurt but I knew to keep trusting and I knew I could get through it. Let me get to the point.
Day seven of our rental home journey, I was with my pups in the backyard and I reminded myself to look for something beautiful despite the hurt and to be grateful. I found a beautiful flourishing fig tree in the corner of the dilapidated fence and memories of my grandfathers backyard flooded me with happy memories and my taste buds remembered what those fresh figs tasted like so long ago. I reached for the fig, touched it's velvet skin and smelled the familiar smell. I decided to wait to pick any of the figs from the tree because I wasn't really in the mood to find beauty. I never really thought of the tree again. Two months passed and I found myself today of all days, looking for the figs. They were gone. No sign of a stem or half eaten skin. I looked on the ground, I touched the dried leaves. I searched around in the branches. I missed the beauty. Ouch.
I made a promise to myself to take the time to nourish the dry and parched part of myself right now so that my "beauty" and what I have to offer doesn't wither away and perish even in the drought. Next time I see those figs, I will pick them, I will taste them, I will serve them up on the best darn charcuterie board the world has ever seen.
What is within your reach that you might be taking for granted? What might you need to water, to nourish, to care for and pay attention to to keep it alive? Is it your spirit? Is it self love? Is it serving to find joy? Don't let yourself wither away and disappear. You are worth far more than that. Are you neglecting yourself on purpose? Are lies from the enemy sneaking in to keep you unfed, unwatered, unnoticed? It's okay to turn that around. Let me help.
Welcome back friends. I am here for you.