My whole life, I always wanted to fit in... to be someone.. to matter.. to shine.. to standout.
My biggest regret is believing my role as a mamma wasn’t enough. I took those two daughters of mine for granted a time or two assuming I had years before they grew up. I was a good mamma to them and like to think I still am, however, I had shortcomings for sure and it’s a pain I carry but I’ve learned to not let that pain dominate my soul.
Even now, at a year shy of 50, I think to myself, what’s my purpose? Am I enough?
As I grow wiser, I am learning that all I truly care about is how I treat my children, my husband, my family, my friends, my dogs, my body, myself, my clients and my customers. I don’t need to BE something spectacular or unique. I don’t need to be the best or the “most special.”
Two very significant times in the last few months alone, my daughters (20 and 22) both truly needed me during some individual rough patches on their own journey. I was there for each of them sharing, what I hope was, guidance and knowledge and faith and I felt a surge of pride when I would see something special on their face or in there eyes as a thank you.
I wish I could revisit some moments in life when I was asked what I do for a living. “I’m a mom to two amazing daughters and a step mom to three charismatic boys and I try to be a caring and loving wife” and I would walk away with my head up and I might even do a mic drop knowing that’s more than “enough.”
I love coaching .. absolutely love it. I love selling wine! I love helping at church and supporting local shops around me.. but my greatest role, the one that brings me the most light on any given day, will always be the one I was assigned to have the moment my first and then second daughter laid in my arms, followed by the opportunity to raise three boys. I will always be enough just because of that and anything else I ever achieve or strive to become is simply a bonus. So to you, Kennedy and Ellie..William, Lucas and Owen, thank you. Mamma